


Ghost Hunt

by TorScrawls



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Humor, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, having fun with the characters, set in some nebulous time before Melanie's introduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29867043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TorScrawls/pseuds/TorScrawls
Summary: Melanie investigates a supposed haunting for her channel after she's gotten reports of several eyewitnesses having seen an entity with too many eyes and heard unsettling static.She might have gotten in over her head as—for once—the sightings might actually have some truth to them.Everything gets even more complicated when she convinces Georgie to go with her.Georgie sounded utterly defeated as she said, in a much louder voice. “Hello Jon.”“You know him?” Melanie hissed out.Georgie sighed. “That’s my fucking ex.”“Your what?” Melanie and Martin asked in unison.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 26
Kudos: 185





	Ghost Hunt

“I stand before an ordinary residential building in the suburb of London.” Melanie kept her eyes focused on the camera as she spoke, reciting her script from memory. “The only difference is that this particular house,” pause for effect, “is _haunted_.” She made a mental note to add some fitting sound effects after this to spice it up a bit.  
  
“Several sightings of an unexplained entity have occurred here during the last couple of months.” Melanie took a deep breath and did her best to ignore the car driving by. This episode would need ridiculous amounts of editing to get the atmosphere to be even passable for her channel.  
  
“Most eyewitnesses have reported seeing a humanoid shape and hearing unexplained static. Encounters with the entity has been said to include eyes in one way or another, but the descriptions vary. Examples include the being having too many eyes, or there being something supernatural with the way they look at people. Let’s investigate.”  
  
Melanie left the recording running as she approached the building; not wanting to risk missing any possible activity as she tried to find a way to sneak inside the house without raising too much suspicion.  
  
She was standing on her tiptoes and seeing if she could manage to shimmy a small window open when she heard someone clear their throat behind her.  
  
“Hello, can I help you?”  
  
Melanie sighed and fell back on her heels before turning around with a scowl. A man stood behind her, holding a couple of bags and looking innocent enough, but her competitors in the scene had done weirder things to get to a scoop first—and those bags _could_ contain camera equipment. So she kept the scowl on her face as she looked behind him for a potential film-crew and asked, “What is your business here?”  
  
The man looked genuinely taken aback as he stammered out, “I-I live here?”  
  
“Right.” He _did_ seem too awkward to be involved in any kind of filming.  
  
“So,” He continued, shifting from foot to foot, “what are you doing?”  
  
Melanie resigned herself to the fate of having to be social with a put-upon sigh. “I’m recording an episode for my YouTube-channel Ghost Hunt UK.”  
  
“Oh, I know about you! Melanie King, right? I love watching your stuff!” The man smiled and his honest happiness made it hard to try and ignore him to get on with her filming. Melanie did her best despite this.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
He didn’t seem to be deterred by her cold tone. “I’m Martin.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Martin nodded and finally seemed to take her hint to leave her alone before he suddenly stopped and turned back to her with a frown. “Soo.. Is there something I should be worried about going on here? A…” He paused and lowered his voice, “haunting or something?”  
  
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, “You believe then?”  
  
“Well… yeah? Shouldn’t I?”  
  
“Yes, no.” Melanie shook her head. “No, you should. I have fairly strong evidence that something supernatural is going on in this place.” She realized her opportunity to get more information out of this overly-chatty dude. “Have you seen anything out of the ordinary around here recently?”  
  
Martin seemed to think about it seriously enough but then shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. We just moved here fairly recently though.”  
  
“Well, I don’t think you would miss this if you encountered it.”  
  
“Can I ask what _it_ is?”  
  
Martin seemed genuinely interested rather than scared and Melanie debated whether she should answer or if she could get away with simply telling him to just watch the episode when it came out, or maybe she could try to needle him for more information. Another look at his kind smile and hopeful eyes proved to be her undoing. Damn, she had gotten soft.  
  
“There have been sightings of a demon, or monster, or something around this building. Something to do with eyes and possibly the sound of static. So, I guess… Be careful?”  
  
The man’s expression changed from polite and interested into something more akin to embarrassment. “Ah, alright. Thank you.”  
  
Melanie frowned at his sudden change in attitude. She had been in the business for long enough to recognize when something was suspicious. “So do you know an—”  
  
Martin cut her off with another smile, this one a bit smaller than the previous ones, “Nope! And I really need to get going! Have to get these,” and here he lifted the bags in his hands emphatically, “in the fridge as soon as possible. I promised to make my partner’s favourite dinner today! He’s been a bit run down lately, you know how things are, and I thought this would help.”  
  
Melanie heaved a sigh. Suspicious or not, she had a limit to what she would put up with, and some stranger waxing poetry about their love was more than she was in the mood to deal with at the moment. She didn’t even bother to force a smile as she turned away from the man. “That’s great, I’m happy for you- Don’t let me keep you.”  
  
“Oh, thank you. Do you want to come in for a cup—”  
  
She was saved from the ending of that specifically horrifying sentence by a new voice coming from behind her, “Martin?”  
  
Melanie turned back around at the sound of the new voice and found herself looking right into a pair of seemingly bottomless eyes. Or not _a pair,_ there were _so many more_ than just two eyes staring back at her from the man’s face.  
  
Melanie was frozen in place as the being stared at her. And stared and staredandstared—  
  
“Jon! You’re home early!”  
  
Martin hurried past her, still with a wide smile and all Melanie could do was look on in horror as he walked right up to the being, the _monster_ , and hugged it.  
  
She was too stunned to do anything as Martin stepped back, still smiling, before nodding in her direction, “This is Melanie. She’s recording an episode for her ghost show. _Apparently_ word has gotten around that this place is haunted.” Martin gave the monster a light shove on the shoulder, “We’ve talked about this!”  
  
The _thing_ blinked and turned its focus away from Melanie and towards Martin and suddenly she could breathe again. She took a staggering step to the side to regain her balance and shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the palatable weight that its gaze had carried  
  
“What the f—”  
  
But the pair had already turned around and entered the building, leaving Melanie alone on the street.  
  
Melanie decided that that was enough for one day _thank you very much_ and she turned around to pack up her stuff. She noticed that the camera was still running and silently applauded herself; maybe she had managed to get some good footage after all. The camera seemed to have been aimed right at their little encounter and she _had_ come there to get info about the monster with eyes, she just hadn’t expected it to get so… real.  
  
She quickly rewound the tape to check the video. As she watched it play back she frowned as the image started getting more and more distorted the longer it went on; the sound turning into an almost uninterrupted hiss of static. Then the monster appeared; or the part came where she knew it had walked into frame, but the video by that point was so distorted it was impossible to tell what was on the screen, utterly unusable for the episode. The only thing she could make out were a pair of almost glowing green eyes looking directly at the camera.  
  
She closed the camera with a resolute _clack_.  
  
Well, that did it—she was staying at Georgie’s tonight.  
  


* * *

  
The next day Melanie was sprawled upside-down on Georgie’s sofa, legs over the back of it as she allowed her head to dangle over the seat; frowning in though as she looked at Georgie working at her computer.  
  
Georgie sighed and looked up, “What? You’ve been staring at me for way too long.”  
  
“Can you come with me to the haunt today?”  
  
“The one that freaked you out yesterday?” Georgie asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Melanie nodded, “Yeah.”  
  
“So you want to go back?”  
  
“Well, I’m pretty sure that it’s legit. Considering what I saw and the ruined video and all… I can’t really pass it up. I need another hit on the channel.”  
  
“Do I need to go with, then? I have a call scheduled for tomorrow, an upcoming guest for the pod.”  
  
Melanie pouted. “Who is it?”  
  
“I don’t think you know him,” Georgie waved a dismissive hand in the air. “A bloke named Oliver Banks.”  
  
“Nope, never heard of.”  
  
“So even if I came with you, I might not be able to be with you all the time.”  
  
“That’s fine. I just don’t wanna go back all alone. That shit was freaky,” Melanie flipped over and sat up on the sofa, facing Georgie. “And you’re the bravest person I know.”  
  
“Aw, such a flatterer!” Georgie fanned herself with a shit-eating grin.  
  
Melanie promptly shucked a pillow at her. “Is that a yes?”  
  
Georgie laughed and caught the pillow midair. “How could I refuse you after that? Sure. When are we leaving?”  
  


* * *

  
They arrived at the building while it was still light out; which meant it was too early to start filming—the sunlight would absolutely destroy the atmosphere—but Melanie had wanted to take some time to scout out the building beforehand. And maybe to get a chance to convince herself that she had simply imagined what she had seen the night before.  
  
They hadn’t been there long when there was a sudden voice behind them, “It’s you again!”  
  
Melanie turned around and came face to face with the man from the day before; the one who had been annoyingly polite and denied knowing anything about the haunting before walking away with the monster as if nothing was amiss.  
  
She heaved a sigh, why couldn’t they just be given a couple of minutes to prepare? Was that too much to ask for? “Are you serious…?”  
  
“How’s the filming going?” Martin asked with a perfectly pleasant expression on his stupidly polite face, not noting—or choosing not to notice—Melanie’s irritation. He turned his attention to Georgie, “I don’t remember you from yesterday! Hello, I’m Martin”  
  
Georgie offered a polite smile, and then Martin turned back to Melanie with a frown. “Oh, maybe you don’t remember me, I’m sorry for assuming.”  
  
How could she possibly have forgotten?  
  
“I remember, and speaking of the day before...” Melanie took a step closer to Martin, feeling somewhat delighted when his smile faltered slightly. “I saw _something_ with you. And that _something_ ruined my video.”  
  
Martin flinched before giving her an apologetic smile. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m afraid Jon doesn’t like to be filmed.”  
  
Melanie blinked and before she could stop herself asked, “Who’s _Jon_?”  
  
Martin’s smile came back full force. “My partner! And, I guess, the one you were filming yesterday. He can be a bit hard to capture on camera if he doesn’t want to be, though. But well, he should be right behind me,” Martin looked over his shoulder. “Hm, did I loose him…?”  
  
Melanie heard her own teeth grinding as she tried to parse whatever nonsense he was saying. And then another man rounded the corner after Martin and Melanie froze where she stood.  
  
It was the monster from the day before.  
  
Melanie swore and stepped in front of Georgie to try and shield her. Admittedly; he didn’t look nearly as scary now with his head down and squinting at the phone in his hand.  
  
Georgie sounded faint as she asked in a low voice, “Is _that_ who scared you yesterday?”  
  
Melanie nodded silently as she kept her eyes on the man, who still hadn’t looked up from his phone but was now frowning as he said distractedly, “Hey, Martin, have you talked to Helen lately, she’s sent me some weird—”  
  
He stopped as he almost walked right into Martin, looking up with a startled expression. “Martin? What—?” His eyes landed on Melanie and Georgie and there was nothing of the earlier nights _heft_ to his gaze, just a normal and startled look.  
  
Georgie sounded utterly defeated as she said, in a much louder voice. “Hello Jon.”  
  
“You _know_ him?” Melanie hissed out.  
  
Georgie sighed. “That’s my fucking ex.”  
  
“Your _what_?” Melanie and Martin asked in unison.  
  
The monster, or _Jon_ apparently, gave an awkward wave, “Hello Georgie. What are you doing here?”  
  
“You can’t be serious!” Melanie exclaimed.  
  
Jon looked from Georgie to Melanie with a small frown. “And who are you?”  
  
Martin stepped in. “Right, you didn’t really meet yesterday. This is Melanie, she’s a YouTuber.”  
  
“Oh, that’s…nice,” Jon said in the same tone of voice she was used to hear from elderly people who didn’t really have any idea what YouTube was.  
  
Georgie placed a hand on her arm and Melanie stared at her in disbelief as she stepped out from behind her and approached Jon.  
  
“So… you doing good?” Georgie asked.  
  
Jon shrugged. “Yes, I guess. Got a job at the Magnus Institute, met Martin here,” he nodded towards Martin who smiled and gave a small wave in response, “and then we moved here a couple of months ago. You? It’s been a while since we—”  
  
Melanie held up a hand to stop them. “Wait, wait, wait. You two work for _the Magnus Institute_?”  
  
“Yes. I believe I just said—”  
  
“I can’t believe it.” Melanie cut him off and Jon had the offended look of someone who wasn’t used to other people talking over him. Well, tough luck, she wasn’t done. “So this is all some kind of prank, then? I knew the Institute was full of wack jobs, but _this_.”  
  
Martin shook his head. “Oh, no, no. It’s not a prank. We just live here.”  
  
“And pretend to be what?” She could hear her own voice rising in anger, “Ghosts? Demons? For shits and giggles?”  
  
She had been scared. For real scared. For what? She glared at Jon and his stupid sweater vest and scrawny limbs and scoffed. She had just been fooled by some sort of trick. There was no way she would ever be scared of this tiny little man.  
  
“Come on now,” Jon said with a sneer, “There are no such things as _demons_.” The word was spoken with enough contempt to essentially drip with it.  
  
“And how would you know, you damn paper pusher?” Melanie growled back.  
  
She felt Georgie’s hand on her arm again, but ignored it. Martin stepped between them with his hands up, “Calm down guys.”  
  
Jon snorted. “I have no patience for people who deceive themselves with such nonsense.”  
  
Before Melanie could wrestle her ever-growing annoyance at this _absolutely infuriating_ man into words, Martin beat her to it with a quiet, “But you are a nonsense.”  
  
“What?” Jon whipped around to look at Martin and Melanie almost laughed at the betrayed look on his face.  
  
Martin seemed to realize that he had spoken out loud and did his best at damage control. “Ah, what I mean is… I mean… You are… You know, kinda supernatural?”  
  
“Hardly!” Jon exclaimed with an absolutely scandalous expression.  
  
Martin looked so very tired. “There’s not really a scientific explanation to everything that’s happened to you, to us.”  
  
Jon’s sneer had transformed into more of a petulant pout. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m _supernatural,_ it just—” Jon cut himself off and frowned. “Hm.”  
  
Martin laughed. “Did you just interrupt yourself by Knowing the definition of supernatural?”  
  
Jon took a breath as if to argue, before deflating. “Maybe. I can’t exactly control it.”  
  
Melanie’s patience was wearing thin. “Control _what_?”  
  
Jon waved his hand in a noncommittal gesture, “Knowing things.”  
  
Martin nodded. “That he has no business knowing.”  
  
“What? Like being psychic? I’m sure that’s a new development,” Georgie said in an incredulous tone.  
  
“No! I’m not psychic,” Jon said in a scornful voice that had no business coming from someone who just admitted to being able to know things out of nowhere.  
  
Melanie folded her arms across her chest. “So you admit it? That you’re a monster?”  
  
Martin made displeased sound and shook his head, “We don’t use that word.”  
  
“So what then?” Melanie demanded, starting to feel very fed up with this conversation. “Was what happened the other day a trick? I _know_ I felt… something when you looked at me.”  
  
“Well…” Jon looked embarrassed as he turned to Martin.  
  
Martin shook his head. “No, I’m not going to save you from this.”  
  
Jon sighed and turned his attention back to Melanie and Georgie.  
  
“I might have accidentally started serving… an eldritch fear god?”  
  
“That’s definitely new!” Georgie exclaimed and Melanie had to give it to them; she had never heard that one before.  
  
“…Yes.”  
  
“Well, it sounds rough,” Georgie said and Melanie was annoyed to hear real sympathy in her voice. She didn’t believe him, did she?  
  
Jon took a breath. “It is. And the job came with some … Hm.. Let’s say, _unwanted perks_ that weren’t all that welcome.”  
  
“What does that mean” Melanie ground out and Jon had the audacity to look annoyed.  
  
“It might have given me some… powers? Or changes? Whatever you want to call them.”  
  
“Say we believe you,” Melanie said as she narrowed her eyes, for some _annoying_ reason she didn’t think they were lying—but she would die before admitting that. “That still doesn’t really explain anything. How does an eldritch god translate into eyes and static and knowing things out of the blue?”  
  
“Well, I don’t care if you believe me. And I don’t really wanna get into the details right now, out here,” he gestured around them where they stood on the sidewalk outside their home. And that was definitely a pout on his face.  
  
Melanie snorted and turned to Georgie, asking in an incredulous tone of voice, “You dated this guy?”  
  
Georgie gave a helpless shrug. “I’m sure he wasn’t this weird when we dated.”  
  
“Thanks,” Jon said dryly.  
  
“Well, you’re not really doing anything to help the situation, are you?” Melanie snapped.  
  
Jon snapped back, “And what have you done to help the situation?” And the question hit Melanie like a train.  
  
Before she could parse what had been so utterly and absolutely _wrong_ with it, she realized that she was speaking, “I don’t really want to help the situation. I like having someone or something that I can take out my anger on, and _god_ I’m always so angry. If I—”  
  
Martin batted at Jon’s arm, "Stop that!" And Melanie blinked as she was suddenly able to stop herself from talking  
  
Jon looked genuinely upset as he muttered out a, “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to—”  
  
Melanie cut him off with a gritted, “What the fuck was that?”

  
Jon at least had enough self-awareness to look slightly shameful as he stammered out “Ah, I—”  
  
“No, forget it, I don’t want to know.” Melanie shook her head and grabbed Georgie’s arm, starting to drag her towards their gear so they could pack up and leave already. “Come on Georgie, let’s go. You can catch up with him later if you want to.”  
  
Georgie pulled against her, stopping them both short. “But, don’t you have an episode to film? This is paranormal in a way, right?” She sent Jon an apologetic look.  
  
“Yeah, technically it is, but who’s gonna watch a posh, pompous bastard and think it’s spooky?” She spit out, ignoring her lingering unease after his earlier question.  
  
“Well, I’m so sorry,” Jon said, and he was already back to being snarky. It was almost impressive.  
  
“You should be! This was my only plan for this weeks’ episode!”  
  
“Maybe…” Martin started, “Maybe we can help?”  
  
Melanie turned her narrowed eyes at him. “How?”  
  
“Well, what if we… make something up?”  
  
“You want me to lie to my audience?” Melanie asked incredulously, anger rising again.  
  
“Maybe just not tell the whole truth?”  
  
Melanie was almost convinced, Martin was surprisingly hard to argue with, but then Jon added, “I’m sure you’re no stranger to bending the truth in your show as it is. It shouldn’t be a problem.”  
  
Martin made a noise of protest and Georgie slapped a hand over her own face, dragging it down exaggeratedly with a sigh. “Jon, god damn it. I see you still can’t shut up.”  
  
And Jon had the audacity to look like he didn’t understand what she meant as he asked, “What?”  
  
“He doesn’t mean that,” Martin hurried to say and when Jon opened his mouth as if to argue he elbowed him in the ribs. “But if it needs to be something real, then… Have you made an episode about the Magnus Institute?”  
  
Melanie scoffed. “No. But everyone in the business knows about you guys. And all the bullshit you guys consider _research_.”  
  
“Well,” Martin continued and Melanie had to give it to him; he was a champion in soldering on. “Do you know about the boss of the institute?”  
  
And worryingly, at those words a broad smile spread over Jon’s face.  
  
Melanie frowned. “The boss? Isn’t that some… Brochade, or something?”  
  
Martin snorted, “Elias Bouchard, yes. I mean, he’s still one of those posh, boring, people—”  
  
“Hey!” Jon exclaimed and Martin placed a placating hand on his arm before continuing.  
  
“But he really deserves some eyes on him. And he has some _really_ interesting ties to Jonah Magnus who founded the institute.”  
  
“And how is this supernatural?”  
  
“Well, do you think Jon just started serving an eldritch fear-god out of nowhere?”  
  
Melanie gaped at him. “You mean it’s through the job? Some eldritch paper pusher bullshit. A slippery slope from cubicle to eldritch abomination?”  
  
Martin nodded.” Mhm.”  
  
“But.” Georgie said. “But why are you telling us this? Do you _want_ people to know about your… situation?”  
  
“Well,” Jon looked uncomfortable, “Maybe you don’t have to mention _us_.”  
  
Melanie raised her eyebrows, disbelieving. “You want me to skip the eldritch monster part of this story?”  
  
“Who’s going to believe that anyway?” Jon asked in the same tone of voice that he had used when talking about something he clearly didn’t believe in. You could almost forget he was talking about himself.  
  
“…Fair enough.”  
  
“So, what then? It needs to be good enough for a whole episode, not just some common workplace gossip.”

  
Martin looked absolutely delighted. "Oh, you're gonna love this! It all started…"

* * *

  
“So how do you propose we do this?” Melanie asked, still trying to parse all the information she had just gotten from Martin. This would take many wine-nights together with Georgie to digest.  
  
“You still have the video from yesterday, right?” Georgie asked and Melanie nodded before glaring at Jon, anger was safe. Despite the whole world shifting, she still knew how to be angry.  
  
“Yeah, but _someone_ almost completely ruined it.”  
  
“Almost?” Jon looked disappointed.  
  
Georgie nodded decisively. “We can use the part that survived, then. You can’t see that it’s you, Jon,” she added as it looked like he would argue, “We’ll just add it as _flavor_. And we can go and film outside the Institute tonight.”  
  
Melanie sighed. “It’s still gonna be hard to make it fit with the tone of the show. Especially with just shots from outside. I’m not some private investigator.”  
  
“We know someone that may be able to help get you inside. And to put a more… disconcerting tone to it,” Martin said, an unreadable expression on his face.  
  
Jon looked confused for a second before frowning, “You don’t mean— Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  
  
“No. But I’m sure that we could use her… talents.”  
  
Melanie opened the mount to ask _what the fuck they were talking about now_ when a loud sound from Georgie interrupted her.  
  
She turned to see Georgie take out her phone. “Shit, I have to take this. It’s Oliver.”  
  
Melanie couldn’t believe she would abandon her right now. She must have made a face because Georgie grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “You contact whoever you need to in the meantime. I’ll make this quick.”  
  
Melanie turned back and saw that Martin was very obviously looking away to study a nearby lamppost and Jon was looking at her with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“You and Georgie, huh?”  
  
“So, who were you going to contact?” Melanie asked in a loud voice, decidedly _not_ blushing.  
  
“Right, right,” Jon said, still smiling. _The bastard!_ “Well, let’s see if she’s free.”  
  
He took out his phone and seemed to send a message, but as soon as he lowered it he heaved a sigh. “I guess we didn’t have to worry.”  
  
Martin looked slightly uncomfortable as he followed Jon’s line of sight to something behind Melanie. She turned with a sinking feeling in her stomach.  
  
There was a door. Right in the middle of the wall. A brightly colored door that she was fairly certain _couldn’t_ lead somewhere in the building it was attached to. And besides that, “I _know_ that door wasn’t there before,” Melanie said before whipping back around to glare at Jon. “So you do both eyes _and_ doors, is that it?”  
  
Jon held up his hands. “It’s not me this time. It’s the help.”  
  
“Didn’t you text them just now?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Melanie wondered if it was impossible for Jon to give a straight and understandable answer. “… So, who is it?” She asked with narrowed eyes. “ _Another_ monster?”  
  
Jon pointed at the door and Melanie turned back in time to see a woman step out of it.  
  
Or, Melanie was fairly certain it was a woman, but the more she tried to catalogue and understand what she was seeing, the less she actually took in. There was something about her that was very disorienting; her features seemed to almost… shift in front of her eyes.  
  
When Jon didn’t seem to care to elaborate Melanie counted slowly to ten before turning to Martin; keeping half an eye on the new arrival. She asked in an, according to herself, impressively level voice, “And who is that?”  
  
Martin looked sheepish. “A… colleague. Of sorts.”  
  
Well, that explained absolutely nothing.  
  
She had though he was on her side. The _traitor_. She raised her hands in an exasperated gesture, wishing that Georgie would hurry back already. “What’s wrong with your workplace? Is it a fucking horror show?” Said Melanie.  
  
Jon huffed. “I don’t like horror.”  
  
Martin sighed and rubbed two fingers between his eyes. “You do realize how ironic it is that you say that, right?”  
  
The woman, or whatever she was _,_ approached them and stopped a bit too close to Martin and Jon to be strictly socially acceptable. Or maybe it was just because she looked inherently wrong, _especially_ standing next to what Melanie now had to deem “ordinary” humans. This day was _not_ going great.  
  
“Hello!” The woman said cheerily and it clashed horribly with the instinctual feeling of dread curdling in Melanie’s stomach as she met her gaze.  
  
Martin smiled back, but even Melanie could tell that it was slightly forced. “Hi, Helen.”  
  
“I got such a sweet invitation from Jon, and how could I say no to my favourite friends? How _are_ you doing?”  
  
Martin shifted almost unnoticeably away from Helen. “We are doing fine, thanks.”  
  
Jon sighed. “You’re not here for a friendly conversation, remember?”  
  
“Aw! But can’t we just have a friendly chat? Share some goss?”  
  
“No, we’ve already talked about this.” Jon didn’t shrink back from Helen even as she leaned even closer and Melanie begrudgingly realized that she might have to change her assumptions of him. Just slightly.  
  
“Jon! Don’t be rude.”  
  
Helen turned the full force of her jarring smile on Martin and Melanie applauded him for only taking another tiny shuffling step backwards. “Thank you, Martin. He can be a right handful, can’t he?”  
  
“I’m right here.”  
  
“Yes, you are,” Helen said in a sad voice and Melanie instantly liked her a bit more. Despite the general creepiness of the day she couldn’t keep in the small snort. And damn it, she had deserved it by now.  
  
At the noise, Helen turned towards her and the snort turned into a strangled cough. “And who’s this then? Hello! I’m Helen.”  
  
“Yeah, I gathered. I’m Melanie.” She was proud of the level tone of voice that came out of her mouth.  
  
“It’s _so nice to meet you_ Melanie. Are you a friend of these two?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh, that’s too bad!” She said as she put an arm around Jon’s shoulders, which he immediately shook off.  
  
Melanie raised an eyebrow. “Not really?”  
  
Helen laughed and Melanie had to grit her teeth to keep from clamping her hands over her ears. She could do nothing to stop her hair from standing on end. Helen didn’t sem to notice, or more likely—didn’t care—as she gleefully stated, “I like her!”  
  
“Well, don’t get any ideas,” Jon muttered and Melanie _did not_ want to know what he meant by that.  
  
Martin stepped in. “Guys, stop.” Melanie was quickly forming the opinion that Martin might be the only sane person present. He turned to Helen. “Hey, Helen? Can you help us out with a thing?”  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“You don’t even know what we’re going to ask?”  
  
“It’s fine. We’re friends, right? Friends help each other out.”  
  
Jon huffed, crossing his arms. “Your enthusiasm is worrying.”  
  
“Oh, _come on_ , don’t be so difficult,” Helen moaned in exasperation  
  
“I’m not _difficult_ ,” Jon said petulantly.  
  
“So,” Helen said—completely ignoring Jon—as she tilted her head just a tad too far to be natural, “what are we doing?”  
  
“Well, Melanie here,” Martin said with a nod towards her, “has to record an episode of her horror series on YouTube and—”  
  
Helen clapped her hand with a too-wide grin, interrupting Martin, “Oh! Can I be the horror? I’ve never scared people through the internet before!”  
  
Jon snorted, “Don’t be ridiculous, you wouldn’t show up on film.”  
  
“Speaking from experience are we?” Helen asked with a knowing smirk.  
  
“At least _I_ can choose when I want to be on tape or not.”  
  
“Sure, for now.”  
  
“Guys, come on,” Martin interjected again with a tired sigh. “Let’s get to it.”  
  
Helen smiled. “What do you want me to do?”  
  


* * *

  
They were discussing the practicalities of getting a camera into Elias’ office—seemingly with absolutely no fear of losing their jobs if this went wrong— when Melanie spotted Georgie walking towards them.  
  
She was unfairly calm as she gave Helen a one-over, her raised eyebrows the only indication that anything was amiss with the _literal monster_ standing in front of them and Melanie had never been so happy to see her in her life. She could really use Georgie’s levelheadedness right about now.  
  
Georgie stopped right beside Melanie and asked, “Have you come up with something?”  
  
“Well, hello there! This place is just filled with new people today, I didn’t know you two had it in you,” Helen said with a wink aimed at Martin and Jon.  
  
“Hello,” Georgie greeted her, “You a friend of Jon’s?”  
  
“Yes!” Helen said at the same time as Jon said, “No!”  
  
Georgie shrugged. “As usual then.”  
  
“That was unnecessary,” Jon muttered.  
  
“Was it, though?” Martin asked and Melanie was starting to like this group of “people”. If Jon’s face was anything to go by, he didn’t share her sentiment.  
  
“Let’s stay focused!” Jon said, unnecessarily loudly, “Helen, can you open a doorway into the Institute?”  
  
“As if I don’t have several already!”  
  
“Well, can you make one into Elias’ office?”  
  
She looked delighted. “Are you sure?”  
  
Jon nodded. “Well! I _really_ didn’t believe you had it in you!”  
  
“Will you do it or not?”  
  
“Oh, yes! It might just take some work. Be right back!” And with that she walked back over to the impossible door. And between one second and the next, the door was gone; leaving no trace of it ever having existed.  
  
“So… You know Oliver?” Jon asked, turning the Georgie and breaking the somewhat tense silence.  
  
“Huh?” Georgie looked over at him in surprise. “Not really. He’s gonna be a guest on my show. Why? How do you know _which_ Oliver I was talking to?”  
  
Jon made a vague gesture, not really indicating anything, but they all got the meaning. Georgie snorted.“Right, right. Spooky magic shit, got it.”  
  
Jon frowned in irritation, but Georgie continued, “How do _you_ know Oliver?”  
  
“Oh, you can say he’s in the same business.”  
  
“Should I be worried?  
  
“Not really. At least as long as he doesn’t start talking about dreaming of you.”  
  
“Well, I take that as a warning sign for most of my new acquaintances.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
Melanie interjected, “By the way. About Helen, are you guys sure that we can… trust her?  
  
“No, absolutely don’t do that!” Martin looked horrified.  
  
“Alright. Good to know?”  
  
Jon nodded. “But she’ll behave for now. Just don’t… go through any doors without me, alright?”  
  
“I’m gonna pretend that’s the strangest thing you’ve said to me today.”  
  


* * *

  
In the end, they got a fairly average investigative video that delved more into business history than Melanie would have liked, but her audience didn’t seem to think anything was out of place and Jon and Martin were absolutely delighted over the amount of comments that were about how shady Elias seemed and that he should be investigated by more “official channels”.  
  
“Maybe he’ll be busy with the press for a while. Leave us alone,” Martin said with a smile.  
  
Jon smiled back. “Peter will absolutely keep away until the buzz has settled down.”  
  
“That’s absolutely an added bonus.”  
  
Melanie had given up on trying to understand their job and whatever relationship they had with their boss—or captor?—it was hard to keep track of, and she had more important things to talk about right now anyway.  
  
She allowed an innocent smile to spread over her face, “I like the top comments most. Almost all are about how cheap the effects seem. Especially,” and here Melanie couldn’t hold in her laugher, “especially the effects from the video I had of you.”  
  
“ _Excuse me?_ That’s my face!”  
  
Martin almost died of laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this nonsense! I just wanted to write something a bit lighter for this fandom since it's...well... yeah, you know. We need something a bit lighter now and again, even if this story doesn't make much sense I had some fun writing it and I hope you had some fun reading!
> 
> Comments makes me super happy, so if you have some time and energy I would greatly appreciate it! :)


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